Joe's Space

It has been a huge effort to get things in order for this trip.  The tickets are indeed purchased finally.  We were kind of excited to realize we’ll be landing in France before going on to Dublin.  I’ve never set foot in France and Paris is a great city from all I’ve heard.  The complication has arisen over our music equipment.  The times for huge suitcases has past and the expense of bringing equipment is so enormous that it’s put us in a quandary.  Right now we are trying to decide whether to just leave it or see what other options there could be.  We checked with every possibility and the real problem lies not just here but with the flight between Ireland and Scotland.  We have to take a smaller airline for that flight and every pound over 44 lbs. is five dollars…that adds up in a hurry especially since they made the requirement for their airline 6 lbs. lower then what every other airline is using so you get gouged big time as it is.  44 lbs. for an overseas trip is far lighter then any of us has ever traveled however this is not to a “third world” nation and the hotel we will be at has an iron and hair dryers for the ladies so we don’t have to bring that which helps.  Problem is it can be quite cool and rainy where we’re going and with space already limited there’s little room for extras and certainly not rain coats.  Yes, they say the devil is in the details but we’ve really had the favor of God and I believe that will continue.  It was an utter miracle that we got the tickets already.  God won’t bring us this far to drop us now.  We’ll be heading out on the 21st of August and be gone for three weeks, I’m stoked!

I was rather disgusted with myself because we went out and took some pictures and I’ve been messing with the manual setting on my camera.  I enjoyed going out with Lovely and Gabby to do this but after I looked at the pictures most were pathetically inadequate.  There was the usual flourish of activity by the pond with the red winged blackbirds.  I tried to get a good stylistic shot of this one with his mouth open singing his strange song but he was moving so much it blurred some.  Ah well, here it is anyway .  It’s been so cool with some bouts of rain so the prairie grass is beginning to look some like a vast green ocean.  The fuzzy grass out there is so beautiful in the wind .  There’s some beautiful flowers blooming out there…this is overexposed..ugh, but still an ice flower .  Even the buds are getting ready to explode like fireworks on the 4th of July that’s fast approaching .  The photo shoot ended with a glorious sunset…again I’m not quite happy with these pictures…it just doesn’t do justice to what it looked like in real life: , and lastly .

Now onto Japan!  I’ve been digging through archives and will sort of take you day by day through the photos.  We were so tired when we got to Japan, we had many miles to travel by bus and car still to get to my mother in law’s house but Tokyo is a fascinating city.  We gazed in wonder at it all.  Even the language seemed so exotic and beautiful.  We even took pictures of signs outside the little stores….Lovely couldn’t read it then…doesn’t this sign have personality ?  This was a burger place we visited…they were so amused with us taking pictures of them .  I thought of Bob when I got these shots…only he dresses his dog up like this right…right ?  Nope, there are other strange individuals that do this !  Mike loved petting this little dog and the Japanese seem to love their animals…there’s even wedding chapels for dogs…what next?  Gardens are everywhere, you can be in a very busy section of the city then round the bend to see a wonderful and very well cared for garden.  This plant had what looked like little paper lanterns on it , I know they may well have such plants here but it just seemed to fit there somehow .  This lazy looking Japanese kitty was actually quite mean, the owner warned us that he bites and scratches…who would have guessed ?  My mother in law lives in Kawasaki City a suburb in Tokyo…we all loved how they seemed to be a self contained city within a city.  This was a gardened area next to a graveyard not far from my mother in law’s house .  The children were impossibly cute but I’m not sure what they thought of us and I’m not sure what Gabby was thinking either !  Can you imagine using this writing all the time ?  This was a sign outside a kindergarten.  Little schools were everywhere .  Our kids really got a kick out of watching the children at play, they all had uniforms of course.  This little girl was on her way to school  I think…not yet old enough for a uniform .  This street crossing seems right out of a page of what I had always pictured Japan to be .  I love how there are still little mom and pop stores along the streets .  This is our friend Ate Ester, Gabby had just met her here…she’s actually a Filipino and not Japanese at all .  Wonderful gardens and streams with pathways near them were everywhere .  Fishermen were often beside these streams trying to catch fish .  I hope none of these signs were warning us of anything important .  I found so much peace walking these paths .  I felt at peace and truly happy there .  Tokyo remains one of my all time favorite cities.  Everyone had to go about their hustle and bustle but for me and my family we were enjoying one of the most pleasant trips we had ever been on.

I didn’t post on Father’s Day so let me just say something about that now.  It was an excellent day and not all of them are.  Have you ever noticed how holidays can be trouble magnets more often then not?  I am always cautious because I’ve had some really bad ones.  This was exceptional for many reasons.  My family is always good to me and always makes sure that I know I’m loved.  It’s not about buying me something it’s that simple hug and an “I love you dad”.  The sincere comments like that make me feel that I’m the most blessed person in the universe.  Lovely prepared us a fantastic grilled shrimp and muscle dinner…this this photo doesn’t make your mouth water then I don’t know what will !  It was so amazing that that a few days later we did it one more time!  The weather is funky with it being really beautiful then sometimes a front comes through and cools it way down.  Fact is we’re looking at something like that today.  It’s 96 right now but a windy cool front is coming…I wonder if it will look something like that last one . 

Fortunately the weather held for a special even this Father’s Day.  My dad brought us all to a local car event at a large church here in town called “Burn the Point”.  This was the third annual event that is held on Father’s Day but it was the first time I went.  My dad is a tremendous classic car junkie.  He’s like a kid in the candy store at things like this so try to picture him looking at the goodness at this event.  The level at which some of these vehicles are customized is really amazing.  Check out this one that has barbed wire fence for a back bumper …notice as well that the rear brake lights are made of shotgun shells!  The trouble they go through even on the wheels is stunning.  If you look closely here you can see my reflection… .  The inside of this vehicle had so many things to check out…the handgun gearshift, the antique tractor chair, the steel steering wheel with the gun barrel coming out of it…yeah, it was pretty cool .  Not everything was old and customized however…this Lamborghini was over two-hundred thousand dollars of goodness  .  Could you imagine this kind of front end on my car ?  Maybe I could call it the Morbid Mobile!  This vehicle was customized everywhere too.  I didn’t notice until later that the smoke from the burn out was all around as I took pictures .  The paintjobs were out of this world.  Detailing was not just on the obvious parts of the car either.  The one that had these orange flames had even the underside of the car painted and you could look at it via mirrors that they put near the car!  The engines were not above customization either…this little red one was really something to see .  They had a pickup done up so beautifully, Toxic was stenciled on it but to me the ghost flames were anything but toxic .  They seemed to have a Camero or two around and we were excited to see them in action.  Seeing these cars parked was cool but the anticipation of seeing them in action was building!  Just look at this engine ..it’s just not right seeing it sit there all quiet and shiny! 

We brought the kids over to see what all the action was on the other side of the church.  They were chaining these awesome cars up to a tow-truck and then letting them peel out for 30 seconds .  The sweet Camero came up and didn’t disappoint , in fact …it didn’t disappoint at all !  I saw some little kids cry…it was noisy and there was so much smoke that at times you could see your hand in front of your face but Gabby absolutely loved it…she’s quite the fan of my dad so maybe that was part of it but even aside from that she’s a brave little thing.  She asked for days afterward if we were going to see the “cars smoke”.  The last one to give you an idea was a ‘02 TransAM…it was so much fun…I know, I know, I’ve been told I sound like a true redneck…well what can I do LOL!  Check it out

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I know that I promised some pictures of Japan but I just couldn’t fit them all this time.  Today we had a visitor at what’s become antelope central now.  This is right near our house…within about five feet of the house…days like today draw them to the shade of the tree…isn’t this a handsome character ?  He was panting up a storm but I think he was still quite majestic .  They have little ones now…in fact several of them have twins…they are really cute but I’ve not gotten close enough to get them on film just yet.  I hope this was a fun little walk through our Father’s Day and beyond.  It was a very good day indeed!  God bless you all.

Life isn’t always kind nor is it always a bowl of cherries however it’s not all dark and evil either, there’s beauty out there,  Sometimes i think I’m a broken record because I always say that.  I can feel an old cliché coming on…something about being handed lemons so make lemonade or something like that LOL!  Well, some good things have come our way so you could say we’ve been making some lemonade.  Quite suddenly I was awakened by my mom this week and she said she had some news.  My first instinct was to tighten up my body like I was preparing to get hit but the hit didn’t come though I did feel the wind get knocked out of me.  We had just received word that someone had received some money and wanted to pay for our airline tickets to Europe…yeah, you heard me right…just like that the biggest single expense of this trip was taken care of.  We still have to arrange work schedules and manage living expenses which is no small thing but undeniably this is a massive step in the right direction.  We intend to meet African Joe in Ireland by the 28th of August.  Our joy is really overwhelming though the warfare against this trip just kicked up a notch too.  My dad just had another fit that is very painful and difficult to deal with and some of the job situations here are tenuous at best…asking for three weeks or so off is hard…especially in this economy.  I had to send away for my passport since it expired a couple months ago…I realize that I’ve not been without one since being just 18 years old.  I guess I will be getting the new one with the computer chip…I wish I would have had that on the way to Japan…signing in at a kiosk sure would have been easier…everyone else did it that way but I had to do it the old fashioned way. 

All the excitement actually happened just recently but shortly before that we were just home from church when my son called out that he had found something.  Lo and behold there was a beautiful butterfly just out of the cocoon…yes, this is where the title came from.  Perhaps it was our handling the butterfly gently or maybe it just wasn’t dry enough to fly away but for whatever the reason this butterfly stayed with us for a couple of days and was a delight to us all .  We received some new flowers as well after our concert with the special “K” ranch.  They gave us some flowers that they had been growing and it was delightful surprise.  Our butterfly (whom the kids decided to call “Laura”") was quite contend to be nestled in with our potted plants .  Okay, I’ll admit I was really enjoying every moment of this…and she was a perfect model (my gosh, I’m calling the butterfly her now too and I have no clue whether she’s a girl at all!) .  Things like this just bless me .  It’s not that it’s really complex or a million bucks in the bank but it’s an example of God doing something special .  It’s just for us and it brings great joy .  All it took was someone to appreciate that beauty because sufficient for the day are the troubles thereof but in the middle of all that there’s something so beautiful and this butterfly was a symbol like a rainbow that appears even before the end of the storm .  This is exactly how Japan came to us bringing a new hope when we thought hope was dead .  There’s always something to rejoice over .  Life hasn’t been easy but God has certainly been good

I know this is a short reprieve from my usual again but I want stress just how amazingly able God is.  No trip has ever been anything less than a miracle.  No trip we’ve taken has ever been in the middle of easy circumstance…it’s always tough, it’s always a challenge but in our weakness God has always been strong.  We are not fancy people nor do we know all the “right” people.  We’re just average people who have answered the call of our extraordinary God.  The series will continue with a lot of pictures.  Japan was better covered than any trip before.  We had digital cameras and loved every minute of photographing everything we could.  This next part of the series may take more time because of the volume of pictures.  I hope you enjoy sitting back and taking a ride to Japan!  To be continued next week.

It’s been a really incredible week here.  Our meetings went very well in spite of some really nasty cold weather.  People came from as far away as Michigan.  Some we had not seen in many years.  It was so good to see our friends from North Carolina that we’ve not seen since last year.  It was because of them and their prayer and faith work on our behalf that we were able to leave the Philippines when we did.  I feel that we can never thank them enough but it’s not at all a burden to be so grateful.  So much was done at each meeting that it’s hard for me to choose a favorite and it ended very well which is an wonderful bonus.  Today they went to breakfast and headed home.  I’m left feeling good about the whole thing and the better weather has arrived too which is nice.  I’ve been getting this new computer whipped into shape and that’s not been nearly as difficult as I thought it would be.  I thought I’d share a few pictures of my new machine.  The tower alone was more than I’d ever dare hope .  It has a nice large fan in the front and back and is quite as can be.  The blue backlighting is pretty cool, I never asked for that but think it’s pretty cool.  The backlit keyboard showed up about two and a half days later and that has been much better then I’d dare hope too .  For once the keys won’t wear off…imagine that.  Next on the out door end of things we got some new flowers that are doing well.  What started off as some buds , has begun to show what we’ve got to look forward to in fact today I got a few pictures of the mature flowers and I just am so blessed with them and my favorite:  .  Lovely has left little soil without something growing in it so there are many little flowers that are really enjoyable too .  This year too we have some white ones that I really like .  To top all of this off Lovely and I were looking at some websites that showed some Japanese food that we’ve been missing terribly and it inspired her to make us a special treat and let me tell you it tasted every bit as good as it looked.  She didn’t mean to get coconut shrimp but I thought it was a wonderful touch.

I have nothing else to report about our coming trip nor have I heard one thing more about Pastor Harry in his situation.  It is notoriously difficult to keep up with our contacts in Africa but I will do my best to keep updates coming as I get them myself.  The trip to Europe is heading our way very soon and we must start gearing up for that in a big way.  I believe that it is all in the hands of God and I grow more and more excited about it.  For a bit we can breath but it won’t be long before yet another adventure begins.

I now return to our regular broadcast.  Our family had been through so much after 9/11.  It was a time of change that was beyond what we could even begin to understand at first.  It felt like a death to things as we’d known it in some ways but in others there seemed to be life coming back around in a new and beautiful way.  Gabby was a forceful reminder of God’s ability to bring something beautiful out of tragedy.  Lovely had asked me many times to go with her to Japan but I had really resisted it.  I didn’t want to be in a situation where we had no money and had to stay with her mother in her tiny flat in Tokyo.  Something changed when she asked me again…it felt somehow not just possible but the right thing to do so we began to make preparations to go to Japan.  Night had fallen and the darkness was deeper than any we had known before but following that darkness dawn was breaking with a new and precious hope.  Japan seemed to be the perfect choice for us.  It’s relatively safe for us and an ideal opportunity to visit family and minister as well.  Lovely had been there before, in fact I had proposed to her over the phone when she was with her mother there before.  She had always wanted to bring us there to see it.  God was bringing the whole thing together in a beautiful way.  Somehow this was all a new beginning.  Gabby was about to join us on her very first trip abroad.  I will say in advance that it was for sure the most enjoyable trip I had ever known.  Doors to the land of the rising sun had opened up to us and we knew it was time to walk right through that door.

This has been quite the week.  We had to go and iron out some thing with our medical insurance which is never all that much fun and then in the kid’s computer bit the dust in a big way.  I decided to give them my computer but on the bright side I will be getting a new machine that’s far better than anything I’ve ever had.  The new machine will arrive on Saturday and the custom keyboard will arrive on Monday.  This is a tri-core processor with 6 gigs of RAM utilized on a 64 bit version of Vista…I guess I’m finally making the switch…this seems rather anti-climatic since the new Windows operating system will be released in October of this year…have you all heard about Windows 7?  I’m annoyed about the switch but I guess I’ve heard a lot of complaints so whatever.  There are two other big pluses on this machine:  1) it will have two 512 Mb ATI video cards running on a crossfire configuration…that’s unheard of power for me and 2) it’s got a 640 megabyte hard drive…more than I could even begin to have hoped for.  The keyboard is a back lit so the numbers and letters never fade…all of mine in the past have faded badly…not this time.  What was looking like a rough week turned into a blessing after all, the insurance is taken care of and the new computer will be here quite quickly.

I have really tried to enjoy the nice days when we have them.  This has been a gloomy month so far.  We had a forty degree drop in temperatures and had a cold drizzle for two and a half days but today is wonderful and I got some pictures from near the pond behind our house before things went bad and today the sun is shining brightly so I took some more pictures of our potted garden.  The blackbirds were in rare form so I took a few pictures of them for good measure .  I like this shot better .  Our resident mallards are always a pleasure to have nearby.  Don’t you think this is a handsome fellow ?  There’s still some of the old left over cat tails but they pretty much exploded on the twig .  Next we bought some sundials recently…no not literal sundials…I’m talking about the vibrate flower .  There are many more buds coming along so I expect this plant will be even more glorious as the days go by .  Next we have marigolds which are an old standby every year…we mix them with some other flowers in the hopes of keeping the aphids at bay …let’s hope it works this year or we’ll be stopping by the store to get some ladybugs to finish off the pests.  Our other flowers that arrived on the scene first are doing well in the cool and wet weather…they continue to be a delight each and every day .  These aren’t exotic but still give me great joy .  These flowers seem to have such a zeal for life and I admire that because I hear God in there every time .

I will be continuing the saga of our travels soon.  I hope to get my new machine up and running over the weekend and I hope there will be no bumps on that road.  We all returned to America after 9/11 with a feeling that we had barely escaped from the frying pan.  Difficult times came with the changes following 9/11.  Things were much more difficult as far as gathering funds to go abroad and many of the countries we had visited before were much more dangerous.  We seemed to have all the traits that made us feel like walking targets.  We were American, white and Christian and Lovely became a target being my wife and of course our children because they are half American.  Andy proceeded to radically alter his church once his father passed away.  He no longer believes in the Trinity and has everyone call him father.  I felt that we had crossed bridges that now where forever burned behind us.  Lovely and I lost a baby.  It was an entopic pregnancy and Lovely nearly lost her life to severe bleeding that they barely were able to control in surgery.  She has awoken in the night with horrible pain and then nearly collapsed on the floor.  I didn’t know how serious the problem was until we arrived at the hospital and got the reports back from the doctor.  Surgery took hours longer then they said it would and when I finally saw the doctor I about died myself when I realized how close I had come to losing not just our baby but my wife.  We were devastated by the loss and we were told that it was likely we could never have any more children.  Months went by as we languished one loss after another.  Hope bloomed fresh on Father’s Day when Lovely told me she was pregnant again.  She had kept it hidden from me.  I noticed our little Dachshund Gracie wouldn’t leave her side but didn’t think too much of it…there are many times when dogs are smarter than humans and this was no exception.  Finally December rolled along and we had Gabrielle Faith Cutler through emergency c-section.  I didn’t think I’d make it through that but I was there through the whole procedure…I witnessed them remove Gabby…it was kind of like watching and X-Files episode…seeing that little baby removed from Lovely as she was opened up on the operating table was another milestone for me.  Gabby was the miracle that seemed to breath life into our family again and drive away the clouds of despair.  Lovely had talked to me about visiting her mother in Japan for several years but I’d been very resistant but now in this new atmosphere of hope I felt that I would indeed travel there with our little party of five.  A new wind was blowing…perhaps all that had surrounded 9/11 and the trials afterward wouldn’t finish us after all.

I want to begin this post with an update or two.  Lately we received information from “African Joe” that one of the pastors we worked with in Africa lost his second wife to complications with cancer.  If this weren’t enough I guess he was severely beaten by someone while at the airport.  He is such a kind and gentle man this news grieved us all.  Please keep Pastor Harry Insaido in your prayers.  Next after a long time of not hearing from Andy he made contact with us via video call in Windows Live Messenger.  I believe God is really doing something but there’s a long way to go, it’s a painful process but I feel hope somehow too.  Mom talked to the pastor we’ll visit while in Ireland…he sounds really great and has been brought up in the things of God by African Joe…this is just sounding better and better!  That’s the recent news now onward and upward.

I think most everyone can remember where they were when 9/11’s horror found us.  I remember being the house that Lovely and I had found and rented for the missionary team that came with my mom to minister with us in the Philippines.  We were having a pastor’s convention at a camp located up in some hills not far out of the city.  It was a lot of work in the brutal heat but I felt very good about it.  The meeting place had only a thin tin roof that gathered the sun’s heat and radiated it down on us all throughout the day.  We still danced with the people during praise and then suffered the soar muscles from dancing on the concrete floor while we rang out our sweat drenched clothes.  We would get home at night completely exhausted yet satisfied with the work that was being done.  Local terrorist activity had been ramping up the entire time we were in the Philippines with everything from bombings to kidnappings and beheadings for shock and awe.  We began to feel unsafe in our home because it was a lot of foreigners in one place.  One night we came hone and I was taking a few minutes to compose and send e-mail.  I was on AOL then so I’d type up the mail then go on-line for a few minutes just to send and receive mail.  It would come up on the news page first and foremost.  There wasn’t cable modems there at that time so the page loaded up slowly.  It was shortly after eleven PM when the images of the twin towers loaded up on my screen.  I couldn’t breath as the the words terrorist attack came up and the horror of so many people dying at once because of a purposeful and cowardly attack on innocent people…this wasn’t the hell that war brings this was death brought by fanatics that know nothing of God rather they brought what the devil always brings:  death and destruction.  I numbly went up to the upper level of the house to inform the team that America had been attacked.  One of our team members was on the phone with their daughter talking about the attack.  It was a horrible thing to be in another country where some rejoiced over this attack and know that we were personally in terrible danger now more than ever.

Davao was electrified over 9/11 separatist Muslim extremists were already fighting government forces and many had already been killed.  The city put soldiers on the streets and it’s a terrifying thing to be in the middle of that not just for yourself but with family…my own children who were also very young were there as well.  I don’t know how to describe how it is unless a person has been in another country.  The police and the military often bring no comfort because they have a reputation of being involved with various kidnappings and murder.  Seeing them everywhere and realizing that the weapons they have could be turned on you and your family as well as anyone else drains the life right out of you.  We immediately contacted the US embassy and our travel agent that informed us that we needed to get out immediately because there was no longer a guarantee that the airlines would honor our tickets…not the kind of news we wanted to hear.  Leaving the house now brought a lot of unwanted attention…some of this I’m sure was paranoia but not all of it.  going out for food or whatever made you feel like hiding every chance you got.  Seeing armored cars everywhere and wondering if those you’d left at home were safe while you went out was a crushing weight to bear.   I realized that our plan to stay in the Philippines was over and done.  Everything changed…the earth had stood still but now it was moving in a direction that was like nothing I’d ever experienced before.  The world had changed forever in a single moment. 

Pastor Andayan was dying…he had a terrible attack of pain and he gripped me while telling me:  “Joe, don’t forget the church here in the Philippines.”  That statement haunts me to this day, you see I can’t walk away.  I know that hard things have been there between Andy and I but I can’t surrender my promise to Pastor…I won’t let it go.  We made it home by a complete miracle of God…the news of Pastor Andayan’s death crushed me but salt to the open wound was the news that Anday had walked away from all we believe about God.  He denied the existence of the trinity and gathered a cult who now called him “Tatay” which means Father.  I sent him letters including one that said the bible says to call no man your Father for we have one Father and that’s God in heaven…no reply.  Our hearts were broken and all felt lost to us.  Years went by as we tried to live with the wound that would not close or heal.  Doors were beginning to open for travel yet not for the Philippines again….rather the land of the Rising Sun had opened an impossible door.  I’d resisted Lovely and her wish to visit her mother there.  It was a feeling that I just couldn’t bear it.  I felt something like this after the things that happened to me in India but now it had a fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me feeling to it but once you’re in the grip of destiny you hear the voice of God and you cannot resist so I followed that familiar call and couldn’t stop myself….here is a song…I know it’s not talking about the subject but I take it to express the terrible hurt I have mingled with a hope I am afraid to have concerning ministry: 

Here we are rolling around to another weekend already.  I see Memorial Day approaching and with that I see everything good thing around me as something that I owe to God and our soldiers who have fought and fight for our freedom.  I once again solute our soldiers for their sacrifice.  I recently bought an album by Queensryche called “American Solider”.  It is dedicated to American soldiers and it’s incorporation of soldier’s testimonies strikes a powerful chord with me.  I highly recommend it for those that may be interested.  I bought mine via i-tunes.

Before I get into the reason for my title I want to share some photos of the season here in Montana.  The last blog contained some pictures of a wonderful flowering tree in our neighbor’s yard in some really unusual light that a sunset brought.  I saw the tree in less dramatic light and want to share it with you .  These trees are everywhere now and the smell is so wonderful…it makes me very glad I don’t have allergies.  We’ve had some very warm days that are summer like then cool downs on the end of storms that pass through .  It makes me wonder what this summer will hold for us.  My daughter had her final ballet of the season and we got her a bouquet that we all enjoy now .  Doesn’t it just speak of spring and summer ?  This is my favorite picture back dropped by the sapphire skies that I love so much in Montana .  The trees are finally beginning to trust that they can put out their new leaves and I just love the color green they have .  The strawberries are looking good…hopefully we’ll get a few before the birds get to them .  This is a close-up of the flowering trees that are everywhere now…this is one of the two in our front yard . 

Next I’ve got some of my favorite that came from a walk Lovely and I took.  This sunset was dazzling from start to finish .  I know that when it’s like this I need to keep my camera handy and watch as it evolves but while that’s happening I capture other things that catch my eye…I just like this shot somehow.  These little blossoms are a real treat too.  I turn around and then look at this !  Lovely and I start our route occasionally looking for more sunset shots .  There’s a part of our route that’s very straight and from here I can get a few more good ones then at the top of the street there’s some nice trees and the sunset becomes just heartbreakingly beautiful .  I love the bench in this one .  Lovely sat and looked at it and I love how she’s outlined in the wonderful light !  We thought we were about done then but seeing this tree and the dilapidated hut we couldn’t let it go .  It was a glorious walk !  None of this would hold the same beauty if we couldn’t be free…again thank you Lord and thank you American soldiers for fighting for such beautiful things that we can enjoy with our families.

The title of this blog describes well what began to come between Andy and I on the mission field.  He had stars in his eyes the minute he started traveling and especially after seeing America for the first time.  He began to think to himself that maybe there was some money to be had with the ministry and why not?  He felt that he could use his tremendous charisma to involve himself with a big ministry that would bring him some real money and a life he’d always dreamed of.  Once he felt he couldn’t get that from our ministry….in spite of the things we’d one such as build a church for them he began to try to involve himself with any flavor of the month big ministry that came through.  I began to notice the trouble not just in Andy’s growing sullenness but when he began to not show up for meetings we had planned and using our vehicle without our permission to run these ministers around that we were in for some real trouble.  He would also involve people in various money making schemes using his position as pastor to involve them in products they not only didn’t need but couldn’t use for any practical purpose.  It grieved me to no end to see this and I confronted him on many occasions about it.  I couldn’t force him but I did warn him that I didn’t feel right about it and that as a pastor in particular he had a responsibility to his people.  These problems sharpened as time went on but there’ seemed to be nothing I could do or say that would change his mind so Lovely and I occupied ourselves with ministry that we could and finding a house for the ministry team that my mom was bringing in the months to come.  It’s not so easy in a third world nation to do this nor was it easy to continue to negotiate with the builders on my mother in law’s house that we were staying in.  Pressure with Andy and Steve in our house while it was so hot and dirty with the construction didn’t help.  I knew we were heading for a crisis but saw no way to stop it.

It’s funny how all things pre-9/11 were.  The difficulties were there but didn’t seem as severe.  The rising tide of trouble from the direction Andy was going while his father sickened was bad enough but I didn’t have any idea just how bad it could get.  Some missionaries were captured by Muslim extremists and beheadings and kidnappings were everywhere.  I grew more and more concerned for my family.  Times were changing even then.  Our life seemed wrapped up in construction and realtors.  It made the horrors of the beheadings they show in full detail on tv seem muted somehow…weird how you learn to live with such monstrous things…it almost feels like your new normal when you’re in it.  Even then I think we were in survival mode and used our very busy schedule like a sort of barrier between us and the bad things happening.  Busy or not we were approaching a line that once crossed would change absolutely everything.